The Visibility Shift with Ellie Steinbrink
Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out, and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach, and if you've ever thought, "My style just isn't working anymore," take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level.
Instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be or who you think you need to be to fit in.
I'm here for the ambitious woman who's evolving. Maybe you're a founder, a speaker, a leader, or someone who's becoming more visible in your role. The opportunities are getting more exciting, the stages are getting bigger, but when you walk into your closet, you suddenly feel off, like you've outgrown it, like it represents a past version of you.
We go beyond outfits and dive into the real strategies that elevate your presence, so your outer image reflects your inner power. Style from the inside out. Self-leadership through style. What it takes to create a strategy that's unique to you without losing yourself along the way.
When your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients, and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Showing up as yourself is the most strategic thing you can do.
New episodes drop twice weekly. Ready to stop second-guessing and start showing up as the leader you are? Let's get visible.
The Visibility Shift with Ellie Steinbrink
What I Thought Would Expose Me Actually Created Connection
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“I used to be so intimidated by you.” Earlier in my career, that’s what I’d hear from client service team members after we’d worked together for months, and it always floored me. When I’d ask why, the answer was some version of, “You just look so polished and put together. It looks like you don’t struggle at all.” And every time, it bothered me, because that wasn’t how I felt on the inside. Not even close.
If you’ve ever been around me, worked with me, or been in my zone, you know I walk like I mean business. I move like I always have somewhere important to be. And my clothes were absolutely part of that armor too. If I looked impressive, if I looked totally put together, maybe nothing could touch me. Maybe I could avoid criticism, avoid being told I was doing something wrong, and keep myself safe. What I can see now is that all of those little pieces of armor were part of something much deeper, perfectionism.
In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I’m sharing what happened when that armor cracked at a recent networking event, and I stopped trying to sound like I had it all figured out. I’m talking about the polished image I didn’t realize I was using for protection, the elevator pitch I rehearsed in the car but couldn’t make true, and why the thing I thought would expose me ended up creating the exact connection and support I was craving.
1:00 – How trying way too hard to look like she had it all together led to Ellie’s team members feeling initially intimidated by her
3:19 – The real reason why a polished, put-together exterior quietly functioned as a form of self-protection
4:21 – The "worst fear" scenario that forced a choice between faking it and telling the truth out loud
8:41 – What happened when Ellie replaced her rehearsed elevator speech with an unscripted, unpolished introduction that left her bright red in the face
12:37 – What made the difference for Ellie, and her vulnerability as a permission slip for others to admit their own
15:16 – Figuring out where to let go so you can let change happen
Mentioned In What I Thought Would Expose Me Actually Created Connection
The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
How Personal Style Became Part of the Performance
When Perfectionism Stops Working
Ellie Steinbrink: Welcome to The Visibility Shift, the podcast where style becomes your most powerful strategy for being seen, standing out and leading boldly. I'm Ellie Steinbrink, stylist and personal brand coach. And if you've ever thought, my style just isn't working anymore, take this as your sign. You're ready for your next level. And instead of launching into a panicked shopping spree, what you really need is a strategy. A style strategy that reflects where you're headed, not who you used to be, or who you think you need to be to fit in. Because when your style aligns with your brand and your vision, everything shifts. You lead with more presence, you attract the right opportunities and clients and you fully step into the woman you're becoming. Because showing up as yourself, that's the most strategic thing you can do. Now, let's get visible.
Welcome back to another episode of The Visibility Shift. So you know what's funny? For years earlier in my career, I had gotten this feedback that I'm intimidating. It wouldn't come at the beginning of a work relationship with my team. It would always come from my team members. I was leading a client services team. I was always a part of the client services team, and then eventually I led it. But this feedback would come months later, after we'd worked together for a while and we had already developed like a strong working relationship and spent considerable time together. And it would always be the same conversation. One day as we're like driving to a client meeting or somewhere else, they'd say, you know, I used to be so intimidated by you. And every time I heard it, I was floored. I was so surprised. And I would ask, intimidating, how so? And they would always have the same flavor of this kind of an answer, which was, I don't know, you're just so polished and put together and it looks like you don't struggle at all.
Now, this bothered me big time for two big reasons. One was that I didn't feel this way on the inside, not even close. And then the second reason it bothered me is, because intimidating was never what I was trying to be, or what I would want to claim to be. It frustrated me that I felt I had this warm, authentic, open personality, but then people weren't seeing that until months after working together. And they would always say like, gosh, now that I know you, like you're not that way at all. I think there's many aspects of me being perceived as intimidating, including the authoritative way I walk. If you've ever been around me, or worked with me or been in my zone, you know that I walk like I mean business. And also, it looks like I have somewhere important to go all the time. And my clothes, I know, are absolutely part of that armor. Like if I looked impressive, if I looked totally put together, then nothing could touch me. I would avoid criticism. I would avoid being told I wasn't doing something right. It kept me safe. All of these little pieces of armor that were keeping me safe. If I'm being honest, the clothes and the authoritative walking and whatever armor I was wearing, was just part of a much bigger underlying protection mechanism, which is perfectionism.
And somewhere along the way, probably very young in my life, I learned that always having an answer instead of admitting I didn't know that was the safe route. It taught me that looking and sounding polished kept criticism at bay. And on some occasions, it gave the false appearance of certainty, which as a client services representative for my company and working with C-suite individuals and sometimes owners of the company, that was critical. I always had a plan of what I was going to say before I said it. And I suppose I have operated this way, you know, because I've been in clients or services roles most of my working life, even today in my own business. I just naturally have worked in this way. But recently I had my own little success story of moving past this armor. This recent win has to do with the networking event. Now, normally, I downright fear networking events. And yes, I said fear. At times, I've just chalked it up to being an introvert and feeling awkward in some social situations. But I think the reality is that I'm just uncomfortable about what to say, how to present myself, so that I look absolutely polished and like I've got it all together. But as I've been changing over this last year and looking, you know, it's been a huge identity shift for me. And I've looked at many different pieces of my life and I've, it feels like an unraveling. It feels like I'm looking at my life through a new perspective. And, you know, as I consider this networking event, it felt like I was approaching it in a different way. And this is most definitely true, because on the inside right now, I didn't feel like my normal polished and put together self. And that's because I'm in a huge personal and professional transition. So to claim I have certainty is an absolute lie, which I'm not comfortable lying about, even for the sake of saving face, which is why I'm sharing all of this right now with you.
First of all, I hesitated to even sign up for the event, because if you're in a time of transition, as a perfectionist, this can feel extra vulnerable. But because I said I'm in this time of like, okay Let's examine the way we've always been doing things and see how it's working for us, I decided I'm going to sign up and I'm going to do this. I, you know, I decided I can move past my fear of always needing to be put together, even though I feel messy on the inside. I'm going to do this and. So as I'm driving to this event, first of all, you know, you may understand that it's like, oh, do I, you know, maybe I should find an excuse for not going. This is how strong perfectionism can show up and keep you from doing things. Like there was the brief, like, maybe I should just, you know, make a reason for why I can't go. But I'm like, no, I'm going. I committed to this. I'm going. So I'm driving to the event. And as I'm doing so, I'm rehearsing. What am I going to say? Am I going to reveal that I have no clue what's ahead for me? Or am I going to try to craft the perfect elevator pitch that sounds really impressive?
The more I wrestled to come up with this perfect elevator pitch, I realized it wasn't neat and tidy at all. It was messy, no matter which way I tried to spin it. Because that is the absolute truth, isn't it? When you're in the middle of a transition, nothing is neat. Nothing is tidy. Nothing is polished. At the same time though, I had this realization and I felt it on a very deep level that I'm really craving support right now. And when you're pretending like everything is honky dory, no one can even get in to offer that support. So I get myself to the networking event and everyone's mingling, which is fine and once the meeting starts, the host says what I have anticipated but also feared the most. She says, let's go around the room, everyone introduces who you are and what you do. So the panic I was feeling on the drive over just launched all over again, because this was real. It was actually happening. It wasn't just in my mind what I was going to say, but now it's here and there's, you know, this is happening. Luckily, I had at least 15 people ahead of me to get my shit figured out and come up with a plan.
Honestly, I could hardly focus on what everyone else was saying, because I was so in my head about what I was going to say. I wasn't sure how to answer that question. And more so, I wasn't sure if I could reveal that uncertainty to everyone else. And so it comes to the person right before me and my heart is literally beating out of my chest. It's been building. You know, from the moment she said, let's go around the room and introduce ourselves, my heart started like picking up. And I was still, with the one person ahead of me, I was still squarely in this debate. Should I say how I'm feeling, or should I just fake it? Because I knew which one was going to be way more comfortable for me. But before I could even settle on that answer in my head, the woman next to me sat down and it was go time. So I take a deep breath, I stand up and I'm feeling pretty unsteady. My heart is still beating out of my chest. And you know, the kind like, when you step on the stage for the first time, like if you're speaking and that adrenaline rush happens and it's like, you can't even get your steady words out. That's exactly how I felt. And I guess something deeper took over in me, because in that moment, I figured, okay, what the heck, let's do this. What else have I got to lose? And here's what I said. I said, hey, everyone, I'm Ellie and I'm not even sure how to introduce myself right now. I'm in a tricky spot. I'm going through some big evolutions, both personally and professionally, which means I don't have a perfectly polished elevator speech to say to you right now. And while I hate this messy middle place I'm in, I also can't hate it completely, because I know in my heart that it's taking me somewhere really amazing. So if anyone has been through this kind of a season, has felt this discomfort, I'd love to talk to you about how I navigated it. And that was it. I sat down. I felt like a complete blubbering idiot. My face was beyond hot. I know it was bright red. These are like all my physical signs that I know, I'm in a shame zone. Like, have you read Brene Brown's book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, where she talks about what are your shame signs? There's always physical signs that you're feeling shameful. That's mine. My face gets bright red. I'm hot. My heartbeat is going out of my chest.
But despite all these physical sensations that were screaming for me to go crawl in a hole and hide, there was just a tiny bit of a feeling of relief.
Now I know for certain that my perfectionism was doing its best to take over and to override what I said. And I also know perfectionism isn't a friend of unfinished stories, which is exactly where I find myself. Perfectionism wants pretty and neat packages that no one can break into. It wants to wait until we have a good answer, or a good story, to tell. It wants us to be quiet, until we know what the transformation will look like. And then we can tell how great we are now that we've made it through. But that's not real life, is it? And to continue to pretend it is, it's not only a disservice to me and my growth, but it's a disservice to others. It's a disservice to others, because after this programming was done at this networking event and everyone had done their introductions and we had gotten through everything we were going to do that day. A woman immediately approached me and said, after your introduction, I knew I needed to talk to you, because I'm in the exact same spot. And she wasn't the only person who came up to me and said that. There were many others. Now, had I caved to my fears, had I decided to let my perfectionism win, I would have never allowed myself to be seen and supported, but these women would not have been supported either. And that is the real tragedy.
You know, something else interesting to note here, because my world up until this point, has been style. What I wore through the networking event, wasn’t a huge change, it wasn’t like, you know, I totally put something different on than I normally would. No, I mean, I showed up in the same polished way, the same put together, bold, bright way, which I normally do and which honestly makes me feel very authentic. The difference here was not the outfit. The difference was that I changed my posture and my willingness to let people in. You know, not only did I make myself vulnerable. I asked for help. And what I thought would expose me, actually ended up, in the end, giving me what I wanted. It gave me connection. It gave me camaraderie with other women. It allowed me to hear from someone else, I've been there, don't worry, this happened to me too, nothing has gone wrong, this is just a natural part of evolution. Or on the flip side, so those were all comforting things that I heard, but it was also the service to them saying, you saying you felt uncomfortable in this transition allowed me to admit that's how I'm feeling too. And instead of keeping a secret, they in that moment were given permission to talk about it.
When we're willing to let down our armor, just long enough to let someone else see us a bit more clearly, it's truly amazing what can happen. When we can not only tell ourselves the truth, but also share that truth with someone else. And when I say share, I mean not just in… because all of my intimate friends and family members, they already know this truth. When you have the bravery to share it in a bit more of a public way and that doesn't mean you're blasting it on social necessarily, but this was a small group of networking women who are all entrepreneurs and business owners. When you can share that truth with someone else, a little bit outside of your comfort zone, it opens the way for God to make something happen. Not just in the connections we make, but also in the way we impact other people sometimes without even realizing it, because now there, I know there was women who came up to me, but there had to have been other women that maybe decided not to talk to me, but somehow in some way by what I said, felt seen.
So whether change for you today means showing up in a different way, or being seen instead of wearing something that keeps you hidden, or just simply admitting you don't have it all figured out. Maybe for you it's taking on a new identity and feeling like you're stumbling every step of the way. What I've come to realize is that change can't happen unless you let go. It's no surprise to me that this quote, change can't happen unless you let go, or the other way to say it is change happens, when you let go. It's no surprise that this quote had been following me around that entire week surrounding that networking event. I was being asked to let go of the wheel, to stop gripping it so tightly. And maybe that's the invitation for you too. Just for once, not to have the perfect elevator pitch, not to have everything figured out, not to wait to hit publish, because all the kinks aren't yet worked out. Not to know exactly where this season is taking you. But simply to loosen your grip long enough to be honest about where you are and then allow yourself to share that honestly with others. What I've learned is that before, exposure felt like it would take me down.
But exposure and vulnerability is the very thing that creates connection. And it may be the first step toward where God is trying to take you. So pay attention. What is one thing you can let go of today? Where can you stop gripping the wheel so tightly, even if it feels scary, even if it feels just like a small admission. And as for me, well, I'll be right here alongside you, taking my own brave steps and trying to get honest about where I'm gripping the wheel too tightly, where my normal habits and behaviors had led me down one path and how maybe I'm interested in taking a different path, with different results. I'll be right here with you. If this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear from you. Reach out, message me on any of the platforms that you're listening on, reach me on Instagram. I would love to hear from you. And with that, I'll see you in the next episode.
Thanks for joining me on The Visibility Shift. If something in today's episode made you pause, rethink, or gave you permission to stop playing small, it would mean so much to me if you'd leave a review at ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift.
Let's make it visible.